Transformation 🦋
Seasons of transformation some times happen out of site. Retreating inwards instead of reaching outwards is what is needed for growth.
Retreating inwards instead of outwards not because you have stopped loving or caring for others or to shut people out forever but because in order to be able to heal and grow you just need to create some space, space to breathe and catch your breathe and also to fully allow God to shape you into who you are called to be.
Sometimes we think that being more involved with others and helping others out more is what we should be doing but sometimes we actually need to retreat to be able to face our own reality and see more clearly.
Sometimes what actually being helpful means is taking a step back, choosing to not involve yourself, and not carrying responsibilities that were never actually supposed to be yours to carry.
Sometimes you need to come home, think about yourself and not anyone else but the little people God has entrusted into your care and to things that matter to you.
An extraordinary process of change can actually happen when you withdraw before you extend.
Have you ever experienced a season where stepping back helped you grow?
“Do not lean on your own understanding”
I’m writing this very informally sitting on my couch with my little sausage dog Bluey on my lap.
I’m going through a different season in my life, trying to become healthy in every single way possible no matter how hard it feels or is.
Lately it seems like it’s one hit after the other, gallbladder attacks, health issue after health issue but being confused because I’ve lost 11kg and eating way healthier and doing physiotherapy and moving my body more, putting as much effort in as I possibly can whilst juggling being a mum and a wife and keeping up with our house and navigating extended family and healthy communication with everyone when I wasn’t exactly taught how to do that when I was growing up.
In all of this I have been working towards understanding God and knowing the Bible. When you read the Bible you find it is way more complex than people know. I grew up going to church most Sundays, went to Sunday school, went to youth, continued to go to church as an adult. It wasn’t until I hit my lowest low that I knew I needed to get up and wake up to myself and actually read the Bible myself and know about God more and know what the Bible actually says not just what the pastor says or what other people say, what does the Bible ACTUALLY say. (Also thank you to a certain friend who helped me see this)
For a while I felt like I was going backwards when I started reading the Bible, I couldn’t sleep, I was starting to see brokenness everywhere and within every person.
Some people would say “they are sinners” but I would say “they are hurting” “they need healing” “they are needing some kindness”
In the midst of so much pain it was very easy for me to question God and sometimes be angry at him. “God why do you allow it” “God why” “why”
I still don’t have the clear answer but what I can say is, God is definitely working.
It may not be clear to me right now but I do believe that God has a plan to turn it all around for good.
I was sent this Bible verse tonight by someone very dear to me:
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.
This verse hits hard!
ALL your heart…
Lean not on your own understanding….
I’m sitting with this verse tonight and bringing my attention back to God and His word.
I'm trusting God with the things I cannot yet see. Praying for reconciliation, for hearts to soften, for minds to be healed, and for restoration in the ways only He can bring.
Chronic pain, Trauma and parenting through it all
What Parenting Looks Like While In Pain
Most mornings, my body is not ready to start the day. My whole body hurts, I am stiff and it can be hard to even put one foot in front of the other. But that doesn’t matter when you have two toddlers. They need breakfast, they need clean clothes and the pain I was in yesterday is still there when I wake up. I do not have a daycare drop off or someone to pick up my daughters for a few hours. All I honestly have is the tv. Do I like using the tv? No, do I sometimes turn it on so I can shower and cook a healthy breakfast? Yes.
I adore my children while also living with chronic pain, the effects of trauma and too little help. I am planning to homeschool and I really want to be completely honest about what that could look like: an imperfect routine, but a family navigating our way through real limits, hard days and moments of joy too.
Our days usually look like our girls waking up, and me barely waking up because I struggle with insomnia pretty badly. Our girls play while I have a shower because I don’t feel like I can even walk until I have a warm shower and do my physiotherapy stretches and exercises. Then I walk into our kitchen that usually has dirty dishes from the night before that I try to wash before making breakfast. Then depending on the day we either go to playgroup, go for a walk or go to the park but some days the pain is too much and I decide to stay home while the girls play in the backyard and I try to catch up on cleaning which ends up making the pain worse.
The Work Nobody Sees
There always seems to be a mountain of invisible work that just piles up, if I don’t write everything down I struggle to keep up with everybodies schedules. I have many GP appointments, physiotherapy and even just trying to schedule in time just for myself can be difficult. My husband who works and provides for our family is a very hard worker, he works while also trying to find ways to help me too. We have been working together to find when and how we can find the time to make sure we keep on top of the cooking and cleaning while also finding time for ourselves and as a couple too.
Parenting While Healing
My past trauma also affected my parenting in the past. Having PTSD flashbacks while just trying to play hide and seek with my daughter, or not disciplining in the right way in a moment my emotions are high and having to apologise to my daughters and explain to them I was wrong. I am learning how to regulate my own emotions while trying to regulate the emotions of a little person who has no idea why they feel the way they feel all while trying to drive or trying to get groceries or even just going to church was a major struggle. I always felt a sense of expectation from others that I had to do everything but I am learning that I do not have to keep up with everything, I am allowed to say no, and I do not have to do anything that will make me feel overwhelmed.
The Support I Needed
Noticing a major lack of help in modern society because family members work and study can be lonely. For a long time I haven’t had the community and support that is needed when raising children. When I had my babies myself and my husband did most of it alone. No meal train, no one coming to my house to just be there for me.
I did have one really good friend and she knows who she is, she helped. But most days and nights I was very lonely. And that is one big reason why I fell so deep into depression. I didn’t have the connections I needed.
Being expected to do it alone or send your kids off to people in a daycare centre you don’t even know if you can really trust feels so wrong to me. That is the issue I am seeing. Why send your kids off to daycare but then go home and have no one to connect with? I used to use daycare with my older daughter when I first had my younger daughter but I recognise now how wrong that was. I dropped her off at the daycare centre with her crying most days, and then went home with my younger baby alone with no one to talk to or connect with. Of course that will make you feel depressed.
Even if I went to playgroups I was surrounded by other mums who already knew each other and I didn’t feel like I connected with anyone. I would see other mums being supported by their mums and it would make me very aware of the lack of help I had.
I choose to not use daycare because I felt it created a lack of connection between my daughter and myself, it made me feel worse. I think it in a way almost separates families. For me, daycare didn’t solve the loneliness I was struggling with, and I didn’t feel it was the right choice for our family. That experience made me feel more isolated, and it wasn’t right for our family.
The Life I Hope To Build
I have big hopes for homeschooling, even though there are hard days and I struggle I absolutely am looking forward to it. I am already planning our schooling set up, I am preparing my older daughter who is almost 4 years old by teaching her everything and answering all of her questions about how bees make honey, how flies eat poop which she still thinks is a joke, and also teaching them how to make cupcakes.
I have been on the lookout for homeschooling groups so I will join other homeschooling families so my daughters definitely will be socialised, that will not be an issue for our family.
Our family is looking for a church where we will be supported. I will use tutors where necessary and will try my best to not expect it to be perfect.
I wish people wouldn’t compare mothers’ lives or minimize the work of a stay at home mum. I wish they’d ask what support would help.
I think what I am trying to convey is that I can love my life and what I do and still find parts of it painfully hard.
what support do you wish you had?
Reconnection
After spending part of my life in the care system and growing out of the care system I have been reconnecting with family. It has been complex to navigate as it has brought up hope and uncertainty as well as feelings of relief as I am trying to find out the whole story and the truth of my story.
I am sharing this inner part of my world because it is a part of my story. I will be keeping details of my family’s life private as I am taking it one conversation at a time.
There is a part of me that kind of feels stuck in the middle, almost as if I am needing to find the actual truth and the full story but I can’t really get the whole story or the full picture yet. There are more people I have to talk to and I feel like there are so many things that need to be cleared up not just for me and my healing but for everyone else too.
I have been learning that some things I was told about people may not have been true, and that has caused real hurt.
I am learning that the truth and the whole truth brings healing and actually does set you free. For many years in the christian community I have been told to not dwell on the past and to “let it go”. But after experiencing this reconnection to my past I can actually see that wasn't actually true. In order to move forward I had to “go back to my past” I had to find my family. I had to contact them. That didn't just bring healing for myself but also brought healing for many people in my family. If I listened to everyone else and kept trying to ignore my past, I’m not sure I would have actually healed and not just that but also had the opportunity to spread the word of God to people that might need to hear about God.
I am aware that reconnection isn’t for everyone and for many it isn’t safe. Even for myself and my family I am cautious, I am not reaching out blindly. I am setting boundaries that need to be set, and I am very slowly building trust.
I don’t even just have questions for my family but some serious questions for child protection. Honestly child protective services … What is wrong with you?? You call yourselves CHILD PROTECTION. Where is the protection??
Am I still angry at the care system … Absolutely.
I won’t sit in my anger. I will do something about it.
To be continued…
(If you relate please connect with me below in the comments)
Getting your life back after difficult seasons
I went through a season when everything felt incredibly hard.
“The first wealth is health”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
After I had my second daughter, I fell into deep postpartum depression. At the time I was taking 5 different medications, barely speaking and relying on food to cope with all the feelings I felt like I could not manage. I gained weight and my health suffered but the hardest part was how I did not recognise myself anymore.
I felt afraid of taking my girls out of the house because my mind always went to the worst case scenario that could happen and that fear kept me inside. I always craved to be present with my daughters but depression made getting through the day feel like a battle.
Little Miss Independent
Bunnings Warehouse
Slowly, things started to change. But recovery was not just one massive breakthrough. It was actually encouragement from my Husband! He encouraged me to do the hard things. And also healing through forgiveness. I have a very dear friend who has become like a mentor for me who prays for me and with me and helps guide me in the right way to forgive and let go. Having these two big blessings in my life to support me in the right way and in the right direction has led me to receive freedom through Christ. I know God has been working through many people in my life to get me where I am today. I am thankful. It also has been a collection of small but repeated and consistent steps that I took even when they were hard.
Now I get up and play with my daughters. I take them to playgroups and bring them along for grocery shopping and outings. I have started a few hobbies such as baking and painting which I was inspired by my little sister and a dear aunty of mine to start doing. I talk everyone's ears off now and I speak up for myself, and learn to set boundaries too.
I have started to lose weight for my health, not by punishing myself, but because I no longer rely on food as my source of comfort. This change came from working on what was underneath the habit, one day at a time.
Some days are still really hard. Choosing to look after myself with no excuses does take real effort. But I also do what I can because looking after myself helps me to keep moving forward.I am learning that being strong doesn’t mean everything will be easy. It can mean showing up for yourself even when it is still difficult.
I am no longer taking anti depressants. That is part of my story, and it is a choice that is connected to my circumstances and care. It may not be a recommendation for everyone which I understand but I know they were not for me. (Talk to a qualified health professional about medication)
I have not become someone that doesn’t struggle. I am someone who knows how dark things can feel and keeps finding ways to work for the life I want. A life where I can take my daughters out, laugh with the people I love, try something new and make new friends, and use my voice.
Getting my life back did not mean going back to who I was, it has meant slowly building up my confidence and creating a life I love, one choice at a time.
I'd love to hear from you 🤍
Have you ever found yourself slowly finding your way back to yourself after a difficult season?
If you feel comfortable, I'd love for you to share a little of your story in the comments.
A New Chapter: Reintroducing Myself & The Overcomers
There is something a little strange about returning to a space you created in a completely different season of your life.
My words are still here.
My memories are still here.
The heart behind it is still here.
But I’m not the same woman who started this.
For a long time, I used to think overcoming meant reaching a place where nothing hurt anymore. Where the difficult memories didn’t affect me. Where I had everything figured out and could look back at my past and say, “I’m completely healed.”
I no longer believe that.
I think overcoming can look much quieter than that.
Sometimes it can look like getting up again.
Sometimes it can look like learning who you are outside of the things that happened to you.
Sometimes it looks like being present with my kids, in my marriage, in the ordinary days at home, with a cup of tea, or in a conversation with God, and slowly realising that I am beginning to feel like myself again.
Hallelujah.
And sometimes overcoming simply looks like continuing to trust God when you really don’t understand what He’s doing.
That is where I find myself now.
I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a woman who loves Jesus. And I am also someone who has walked through seasons that changed me deeply.
There are parts of my story I will share here, and there are parts that will remain mine.
I’m learning that healing doesn’t require me to give everyone access to every single part of my past.
What I do want to share is the hope I have found along the way.
I started The Overcomers from a desire to talk honestly about mental health through a Christian lens. But as I’ve grown, I’ve realised that overcoming isn’t just about mental health.
It’s about the whole person.
It’s about faith.
It’s about motherhood.
It’s about self-discovery.
It’s about healing from what we have carried for years through forgiveness.
It’s about learning to let go of what we cannot control and trusting God with what comes next.
It’s about becoming who God created us to be, even when life has made us question who that person is.
And perhaps most importantly, it’s about remembering that our hardest chapters don’t get to write the ending.
Hallelujah!
So, if you’ve been here before, welcome back.
And if you’re new here, I’m so glad you’re here.
This is The Overcomers.
I’m still learning.
I’m still growing.
I’m still becoming.
But I’m here.
And that is worth something.
I Hope…
I hope she thinks “Mum is always there for me”
I hope she can one day say “Mum made sure things happened, no matter how hard it got”
I hope she can look back on her life and say “My Mum was there for everything that mattered, she was there for every celebration”
I hope she thinks “Mum always takes care of me and makes sure I have what I need”
I hope she can one day say “Mum was the very best cheerleader”
I hope she can look towards the future and say “I will carry her love,care and strength with me forever”
Food Recovery
Food Noise
I think about food all the time, I can’t seem to stop. Why do I keep thinking about food and why can’t I just stop myself from eating? I don’t undestand why I don’t stop myself when it should be something so simple and so easy.
It’s something I feel great embarrasment and guilt about, eating in secret and hiding food, feeling incredibly sick and uncomfortable and yet I still continue to do it. How do I stop? How can I heal from this? Why did I start doing this in the first place?
I’m on a journey to try and find answers to these questions although I think I know where it stems from already.
How It Started
I was 13 when I started getting comments about my body, I was always thin growing up but once I became a teenager and my body started changing (as it should when you are growing out of becoming a child) I started getting called “sugar hips” by a foster mother because apparently the sugar I put in my tea was “going straight to my hips” … As a growing teenage girl your hips are supposed to grow, it is biologically normal for these changes to happen but as a 13 year old I was not taught that the changes and the growth happening to my body was normal. So I decided I needed to lose weight, it took one comment for 13 year old me to start counting my calories and weighing myself every single day. I would have mental challenges with myself on how little I could eat and how much weight I could lose each week.
When I was 14 I was only 49 kg and still fixated on how small I could get and the same foster mother that called me sugar hips encouraged me to use laxatives to help me lose weight, so 14 year old me started having a laxative after every meal. I didn’t know how negatively this would affect my body, all I knew is that I wasn’t allowed to put on weight because if I did I would receive comments and judgement. I eventually could not make a bowel movement without taking laxatives and even then I was barely making any bowel movements, I was beginning to become extremely weak, I could barely lift a tub of yoghurt.
How it’s Going
After moving to a different city, getting married and moving into our own place my relationship with food is still very complicated, I tried healing from an eating disorder on my own but it was a constant struggle between wanting to lose weight again and trying to have a positive body image as well as trying to have a healthy relationship with food… I could not do it on my own and I still can’t do it on my own.
I am now almost 25 and have only recently been diagnosed with binge eating disorder after opening up to my psychiatrist about my eating habits of binging and restricting and the struggles of how I see my body. My psychiatrist encouraged me to see my GP to get a referral so I can see a dietition, not to help me lose weight but to help me learn how to better my relationship with food.
I haven’t yet seen the diatition but when I do I plan to continue to write about the journey towards healing from binge eating disorder…. Part 2 coming soon
Changing Your Self Perception
Many of us have been shaped by what others have labeled us, “lazy” “too much” “too quiet” “ugly” “fat” and the list goes on.
Feeling stained by what others have said about us or to us. Because of how we were treated or because of what someone has said about us we look at ourselves through the lens of judgment instead of looking at ourselves through Gods eyes.
Seeing ourselves in a negative light for so long has clouded our ability to perceive ourselves as God perceives us.
It’s time to start looking through Gods lens and not our own!
How does God see us exactly?
Psalm 139 says “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalms 139:13-14 NIV
What does “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” mean? It means Gods creation which is you, has been so wonderfully made that God looks at you in awe, He sees you and looks at you in admiration and love. To Him you are precious, pure and beautiful.
God has been with you since you entered your mothers womb.
My parents left me when I was just a baby, this is relevant because when I think about how God as a father sees me I think about how I see my own babies, I see my babies as pure and loving and I cherish them so much and it makes me wonder what my parents must have thought about me for them to willingly give me up. I think the fact my parents were willing to give me up has been a huge part of how I see myself and for so long stopped me from seeing how God sees me because I grew up without a father’s love. Growing up the negative words spoken about me stuck with me forever, it impacted my self worth and created so much misunderstanding about God and who He really is and how He sees me.
I’m sharing this with you to try help you think about what exactly hinders you from knowing God and how He sees you.
Let’s discuss in the comments below, How do you think God sees you?
Adjusting to the Norm
Unstable to Stable
My experience when I was in the mum and Bub mental health unit started off overwhelming, before be admitted to the mum and Bub unit I was in the mental health department of hospital without my baby who was only 8 weeks old for a week. My two babies were being looked after by my husband and his family which I’ll forever be grateful for. That week without my babies was terrifying because I didn’t know what was going to happen, I felt so bad for my babies because I thought I was the worst mum in the world. I thought my poor babies deserved a mum who didn’t have mental health issues, a mum who did not want to die and a mother who was much more stable than I was.
Once I was transferred to the mum and Bub unit and reunited with my 8 week old It was a relief! I was finally back with my baby but I still didn’t have my older daughter with me and that made me feel super guilty for leaving her. Although my older daughter got to visit me twice a week for a few hours it wasn’t enough time and I missed her so much. But I was back with my littlest baby and ready to start trying to bond and build a connection with her and to figure out a good routine with her.
Even though I knew I was blessed to have my two babies I still felt stuck, I still wanted to end my life and I didn’t understand why I felt that way when I have an amazing family and surrounded by people who love me. I was still sitting in very dark thoughts, wanting everything to end. I also was still trying to adjust to being with my 8 week old, I still felt like I couldn’t settle her and felt very overwhelmed by her crying.
Being in the mental health unit I was very isolated from society, only allowed out in public with someone watching me and only for a short period of time. During this time my OCD skyrocketed, I was having lots of intrusive thoughts which made being out in public very difficult and sometimes scary. The thought of my baby being hit by a bus or someone taking my baby was a major fear and was all I could think about.
At one point I got even worse and told one of the nurses at the hospital I was going to try end my life, from that point I had someone watching me 24/7, there was always a nurse watching me even when I had to go to the toilet or have a shower and when I was sleeping, it felt very intrusive even though they were doing it for my safety I was still uncomfortable and eventually had a meltdown because I felt like my space was invaded. When I voiced to them how uncomfortable I was they then reviewed me and slowly giving my space and privacy back.
It took about a month for my mind to settle enough for the Drs to allow me to go back home.
Even after leaving the mum and Bub mental health unit I still struggled with self harm and suicidal thoughts. I still thought my babies would be better off without me. I still felt numb and disconnected from my babies.
I could not see the good in my life no matter how much people told me how beautiful my family is, to be grateful for the things I do have but I don’t think being suicidal makes you ungrateful. I was both so grateful for the life I have while also having thoughts to harm myself.
During this dark season of my life things that are supposed to boost your mental health and wellbeing didn’t help me. I thought If I would go for a walk, if I went to the gym, had a good sleep and prayed enough that I would feel better and the thoughts would go away but these things didn’t change anything for me at least not in the short term.
I can’t exactly remember or pinpoint exactly when the dark thoughts stopped but they did stop. Even if I have low mood my mind no longer goes straight to suicidal thoughts.
I have been self harm and suicidal thought free for about 2-3 months now and at first it just didn’t feel normal to me. Being deep in depression was so normal to me that becoming stable and adjusting to mental stability was a bit of a shock. Not having so much of my mind taken up by dark thoughts, no longer wanting to sleep all the time, enjoying my time with my kids and not just trying to make it to the next day. Finding Joy in small things like going for a walk, listening to music, learning to crochet! Actually feeling Joy from these seemingly mundane things has been amazing.
When I was unstable I didn’t find joy in anything and nothing would boost my mood. Maybe I was still adjusting to the new medications I was prescribed, I didn’t see any changes to my wellbeing from taking antidepressants for 4 months, it took time to get the right medication dosage, for my sleep schedule to become more normal especially having a 3 month old at the time.
If you are currently feeling stuck in the horrors of your own mind, I just want to tell you that even though you don’t see it right now, things do change, things do get better, the medication will start to work if you give it enough time and God will not let you be stuck like this forever, God will intervene and be there for you if you let him into your pain.
Some small signs that I noticed when I was slowly starting to get better were:
Looking forward to future events
Being excited
My mood being boosted while going for a walk
Playing more with my babies
Missing my babies when I’m away from them
Connections to people around me started growing
Being able to deal with my toddler’s tantrums
Having more patience
Spending more time in prayer
Going from horrific pain to being joyful is an adjustment especially if you’ve been stuck in your pain for a very long period of time.
Stability is Weird
After being mentally unstable for so long, spending years doing therapy and finding the right medications and praying with my whole heart to be better, I have finally found stability.
The progress I’ve made in my mental health and my relationship with God over the past few months has been incredible.
I haven’t had suicidal thoughts in 2 whole months which is a massive win and I praise God for helping and guiding me towards the right path, the right therapist and the right friends.
Daisies symbolise grounding and stability!
Even though it’s the most amazing change it’s almost a strange feeling because having a sound mind has been so foreign to me so now that I have stability it’s like I have so much more free space, I now have room for joy, peace and happiness.
I also spend so much less time sitting in dark thoughts, dark memories and a whole lot less time feeling depressed and anxious. I feel like I have so much more free time now, which means I can use my time doing more important things like be more present with my family.
When I do have a split second of depression trying to creep in I remember that it’s not from God and I’m reminded to go spend time with Him. Having this perspective has changed so much for me. Turning to God and His word right when any bad thought creeps in leads you to His peace which overcomes any anxiety or depression. God comes against all things that are not from Him.
“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.”Psalms 46:1 NLT
God has always pulled me out of trouble, sometimes not instantly but in His perfect timing. He guided me out of abusive situations, He has lead me out of depression and suicidal ideation.
There is nothing God can’t do!
Isolation of Self
Inner Voice
I have self isolated and self sabotaged the possibility of new friends. I have let my negative inner voice tell me “that person won’t like you” or “they don’t want to hang out with me” or “they don’t want to talk to me” when I don’t even know if these things I’m telling myself are actually facts. These stories I’ve made up about others and myself are most likely not true. I haven’t even allowed people to have a chance to try and be friends with me out of fear of rejection.
How am I overcoming this?
Checking in with myself and asking myself “do I know this is actually true”
Challenging myself by putting myself out there
Taking a step forward and asking people in my social circle if they are free to catch up
Involving myself in social events
Trying to ground myself when in social settings as I know group settings can make me anxious
Talking to my support people, they have helped guide me to recognise my negative inner voice
Moving forward
I promise myself to not listen to my inner negative voice, to challenge it and not allow myself to stew in negative thought patterns. I will organise social outings with others and grow my social life and connections with other people.
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT
Exhaustion
Therapy Burnout
Feeling burnt out from all the efforts you put in to make positive changes is challenging because you want to make the changes and learn how to navigate life in positive ways but at the same time you feel so drained and so tired. Maybe you need different types of therapy and doing the one already feels like so much.
Going about each day is draining when you’re pushing yourself to change and evolve and carrying the symptoms of mental illnesses on top of everything else.
Medications
Medication can change your energy levels or change your sleeping patterns which then causes sleep disturbances, brain fog and fatigue especially if you’re in the process of changing medication or weaning off a medication. The fatigue I’ve experienced while coming off of medication makes it difficult to do basic tasks, I feel like I’m pushing myself to do the everyday tasks I have to do.
Physical Health
Mental health & physical health both affect each other! The stress of mental health issues can cause tension in your body which can be painful. Living with physical pain is another obstacle to exercise, chores and doing proper hygiene care such as shaving or cleaning. Chronic pain or illness definitly contributes to the daily exhaustion having to push through pain as well as the daily routine tasks.
Sleep
Sleep interuptions, nightmares and restlessness can all affect your energy levels throughout the day especially if its recurrent. the fatigue can be very draining making it dangerous to drive, work performance can decrease and your general tolerance can become low which can make your patience for your kids or anyone around you very thin.
Motherhood With Depression
Self Care
Living with depression was “easier” for me to manage before having kids. I was able to rest and get more sleep, have time for myself and do a lot more self care on a regular basis.
Now I have a toddler and a 5 month old baby and I’m lucky if I remember to shave my armpits and I even catch myself forgetting to brush my teeth and cut my nails more often. There’s a lot more obstacles that seem to get in the way of caring for my body.
It can already be hard to manage self care when you’re struggling with depression but adding babies into the mix and it adds so much more effort and steps before you can tend to yourself.
If you don’t have someone with you to watch the babies you then don’t get time for yourself to do a basic need like showering, showering becomes difficult because you have to have a quick shower while you’re baby is napping and shower the toddler with you if they aren’t napping at the same time as baby.
Exercise
I didn’t start exercising until 3 months after having my second baby, after having my first baby I neglected myself and told myself I was “too exhausted” to exercise or do anything at the end of the day so every single night was spent just sitting on the couch watching Netflix.
After having my second baby I decided I really needed something for myself and after thinking for months I finally decided I just needed to force myself to go to the gym, so I signed up and got a membership to a gym and I now go to the gym at least 3 times a week doing at least 1 hour sessions or classes.
Exercise has helped my mental health significantly, I feel proud of myself after every gym session as well as having more clarity.
Exercise has given me time for myself which is very necessary when you’re a mother who doesn’t get much time alone. I’m blessed with babies that have a good sleep routine and they’re almost always in bed and sleeping by 7:30pm which allows me to go to the gym at night without needing to rush back home because my kids are safe at home with their dad and sleeping soundly.
Appointments
Dealing with mental illness or mental health issues, you might have a lot of appointments you have to attend but you can’t take your kids to your therapy sessions or sometimes taking kids to Drs appointments is just too much stress.
Getting out of the house with babies is already hard but going somewhere that requires them to sit still and be quiet is almost impossible. You either have to find someone to baby sit which can be difficult when everyone is so busy or you have to suck it up and take the babies or just end up cancelling and don’t get the care that you need.
A lot of things seem to be put on the back burner when you become a mum but it’s so important to find a way to bring self care back for your own wellbeing.
Postpartum
I’m going to tell my truth about postpartum, not to scare anyone because obviously I made it out of the trenches but so any new moms who might be pregnant or planning on having babies in the future aren’t super shocked by how bad it can get. This obviously doesn’t happen to everyone this is just what I personally experienced in both of my postpartum journeys.
Your postpartum experience will depend on your birth experience, such as if you tear and how bad the tear is, if you have an assisted birth such as the vacuum or clamps and if you had any traumatic experiences while birthing your baby.
Both postpartum experiences were a massive shock, between having stitches where no one should get stitches, the postpartum contractions, not being able to breast feed because of D-MER (Dysphoric milk ejection reflex) this condition effects women in different ways, I experienced anxiety, a sense of sadness and dread every single time I tried to breastfeed and it was so overwhelming I was told by midwives and a breastfeeding consultant to stop.
Choosing to stop breastfeeding for my mental health was an extremely tough decision, it made it harder when other people were trying to convince me to continue breastfeeding even though professionals were telling me to stop.
Eventually I was glad I stopped breastfeeding, for me it was a relief. Obviously if you can breastfeed your baby than definitely continue because there are so many benefits to breastfeeding but for myself I had to stop.
Sleep deprivation… sleep affects everything. For the first three months postpartum with both babies, I was waking up every 3 hours to feed and change nappies but it was worse with my second because I couldn’t sleep during the day because I had my toddler to look after. Sleep deprivation combined with mental illness isn’t a good combination. During postpartum mental illness can increase which is why it’s super important to have all the support you can get both personal and professional.
If you never had any mental health issues before postpartum can suddenly cause mental health issues so make sure to talk with your GP and tell them exactly how you feel, don’t be scared to express yourself fully! They are there to help you not judge you.
Postpartum absolutely sucks. I have experienced many different types of pain throughout my life and the most painful experience is definitely labor and postpartum. I could barely walk for the first 3 weeks and when I did force myself to walk around I felt exhausted from doing simple tasks.
I hope that if you’re pregnant or planning to have kids in the future that your experience is much better than mine!
1 Peter 5
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” (1 Peter 5:7-8) God cares about you. He cares so much that he carries your burdens. He wants to know about all your worries and wants to hear and answer your prayers. God knows us best and answers prayers in His perfect timing not our own.
It can be difficult to let go of our worries especially if you have anxiety, this is why it’s important to share with the family of God, in 1 Peter 5:9-10 it says “Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are” (1 Peter 5:9-10)
Talking and sharing with your family of believers isn’t just for your own good but other peoples too. By sharing your own suffering you open space for others to share their struggles and this creates an opportunity to pray for one another.
I recently have started sharing more with my family of believers, it has created deeper connections so I don’t feel isolated anymore.
Share your worries in the comments below so we can pray for you!
The Beauty of Life
I've started to see the beauty of life
Butterflies, waterfalls and city lights
Laughter with friends into the night
Making new connections everywhere you go
Opening your home to friends and family to eat pizza and colour in while watching a movie
Those moments that may seem insignificant are actually the foundation of happiness
Life becomes beautiful when you start to look for the beauty
Beauty in the people around you, beauty in your puppy's kisses and beauty in cooking mac and cheese on a Friday night
Life can be beautiful if you make it beautiful…
Accepting Help
Admit You Need Help
The first step to getting help is admitting to yourself that you need it. When I had my first baby I thought I had to do it on my own, I wouldn’t really accept help from anyone or at least it was rare for me to ask for any help.
Don’t Resist Help
Resisting help started when I was pregnant, I was offered a social worker at the hospital at my antenatal appointments and I always refused because I genuinely thought that they would try taking my baby off me, it was my biggest fear, but this isn’t true at all.
The fear stemmed from my past, I was taken off of my parents and put into foster care at the age of 2 so I feared my background would negatively impact the way social workers would view me especially hearing many stories of other people who went through the care system who had their babies taken away from them.
Resisting help lead to so much more anxiety and left me isolated and I carried so much fear. I struggled with extreme intrusive thoughts for the first year after having my oldest daughter, as well as nightmares mostly of losing my baby.
Acceptance
When I fell pregnant with my second baby I made the decision that I wasn’t going to try do everything on my own, I decided I would accept help from both professionals such as the social worker at the antenatal appointments, as well as family members and friends.
Reach Out
To be able to ask for help you have to first figure out what your needs are. What exactly do you need, how can you or someone else tend to that need?
You also need to figure out who is your support system. Who can you ask for help, once you know who supports you, you can then start putting your hand up when you need help. You will then know who you can call when you need someone to talk to or who can help you with house hold chores when you’re in the thick of the postpartum phase or having a bad mental health week! And hopefully you’ll have someone you trust to babysit when you need some time to yourself.
Reaping the Benefits
Since starting to ask for help and accepting help, my life has changed for the better! I got so much help when I was pregnant with my second baby, while I was pregnant I was seeing a social worker who referred me to a service called PIMHS, and another organisation called Brighter Futures. Through PIMHS I have a support worker and psychiatrist who have helped me to figure out what I need and lead me in the right direction to sourcing what I need. Now i’m starting to heal and llearning to regulate my emotions, the intrusive thoughts are not as intense and I see hope for my future!
PIMHS
Brighter Futures
Good Things Ahead
(TW Mentions of Suicide)
When you’re in the darkness of deep depression and having suicidal thoughts you lose hope for the future. You start to not care about what the future holds and nothing seems to help bring you out.
I have felt incredibly guilty for having suicidal thoughts and ideation because I question how I could possibly feel this way when I have the biggest blessings, I have 2 beautiful babies, an amazing husband and family. I have the best little dog and surrounded by lovely people. It doesn’t make sense to me that I struggle so much with having these overwhelming feelings of wanting to end my life.
After A LOT of therapy, changing medications, starting an exercise routine, involving myself in church and seeking more of an understanding of God I’m slowly starting to see that there are good things in the future! I have hope, hope that God will get me to the other side of healing.
Whoever is feeling stuck in the darkness and is thinking that they won’t live to see the future, I pray in Jesus name that any thoughts of harm will leave, no more torment or suffering, I pray who ever is reading this you start to see even the smallest glimpse of hope. Amen!
Identify Barriers
Voice
The first thing that was stopping me from healing and connecting with friends and family was my lack of voice, not voicing my prayers, my opinions or my needs. Now I speak out loud when I pray, I tell my close friends and family when I need help and I be very open about my struggles.
Knowledge
Lack of knowledge
I used to only pray in my head and I never would use Jesus’ name while praying, I have recently learnt the power prayer has when you pray in Jesus name! I didn’t have the knowledge of what it means to pray in Jesus name.
I start my prayers with “In Jesus name” because Jesus’ name holds incredible power. “You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!”(John 14:13-14)
Community
I truthfully didn’t involve myself in the church community, I let anxiety and fear take over and never put my hand up to even volunteer or help within the church, this stopped me from getting to really know the other church members and created a disconnection which made me feel very isolated.
Now I try to make the effort to involve myself not just by volunteering at church but in conversations with others and not just touching the surface but being open about any struggles I have faced recently, being open about my own struggles I have noticed it has opened up more conversations for others to share their struggles and experiences which leads to more prayer over not just my own life but many others lives!