Reconnection

After spending part of my life in the care system and growing out of the care system I have been reconnecting with family. It has been complex to navigate as it has brought up hope and uncertainty as well as feelings of relief as I am trying to find out the whole story and the truth of my story.

I am sharing this inner part of my world because it is a part of my story. I will be keeping details of my family’s life private as I am taking it one conversation at a time.

There is a part of me that kind of feels stuck in the middle, almost as if I am needing to find the actual truth and the full story but I can’t really get the whole story or the full picture yet. There are more people I have to talk to and I feel like there are so many things that need to be cleared up not just for me and my healing but for everyone else too.

I have been learning that some things I was told about people may not have been true, and that has caused real hurt.

I am learning that the truth and the whole truth brings healing and actually does set you free. For many years in the christian community I have been told to not dwell on the past and to “let it go”. But after experiencing this reconnection to my past I can actually see that wasn't actually true. In order to move forward I had to “go back to my past” I had to find my family. I had to contact them. That didn't just bring healing for myself but also brought healing for many people in my family. If I listened to everyone else and kept trying to ignore my past, I’m not sure I would have actually healed and not just that but also had the opportunity to spread the word of God to people that might need to hear about God.

I am aware that reconnection isn’t for everyone and for many it isn’t safe. Even for myself and my family I am cautious, I am not reaching out blindly. I am setting boundaries that need to be set, and I am very slowly building trust.

I don’t even just have questions for my family but some serious questions for child protection. Honestly child protective services … What is wrong with you?? You call yourselves CHILD PROTECTION. Where is the protection??

Am I still angry at the care system … Absolutely.

I won’t sit in my anger. I will do something about it.

To be continued…

(If you relate please connect with me below in the comments)